I travelled an hour and a half away from my hotel just because he said he had some. The next time I was offered free poppers during sex was by a much older gentleman a year later in Bengaluru, through Grindr. So you consume more to get to that same first-time rush.

But continuous dependence on poppers, much like with any other drug, increases your immunity to the high. Now having encountered that first hand, both on the giving and receiving end, I can safely say that it does work wonders for both the participants involved in anal sex. Now every dude who could afford to have poppers was a supplier for me, and they were just body bags I could hump to to feel that release that only certain drugs can facilitate. Throughout my 20s, sex was something personal, something you did with someone you liked beyond that one night. Like a true junkie, I was losing my shit. He realised that too and our meetings stopped. By the fourth time, I realised I was only meeting him because he had this seemingly never-ending supply of poppers, each with a name weirder than the other. Your blood flows faster, your heart beats harder, your penis throbs like pulsating lava. If I had to explain what inhaling amyl nitrite for the first time really feels like, I’d say it’s like witnessing a hundred goosebumps in one go.

I slumped too, the back of my neck feeling like it had just undergone a serious Balinese massage. I took the bottle and like a professional, like I was born to do it, I shut one nostril with one hand, and inhaled the fumes from the other. I saw him inhale, his hair rising instantaneously, and he slumped a little. He pulled out a bottle, no bigger than two AA batteries held together. Comes all the way from England,” he said. I was honestly fine with the regular beer-and-marijuana routine before getting in bed with prospective dates, but this one rainy evening, I was chilling with a long-time fuck buddy who just casually said he’s got a new batch of poppers. It’s like the moment you do it, you feel like an invincible rail bogie that can charge through pretty much anything. They might not be really addictive, as a study says, but for gay men, there has ben a pattern of depending on them to make sex more enjoyable. The only problem is, poppers are highly addictive in an obnoxiously good way. Now the internet is rife with the many issues the continued usage of poppers exhibit, and let me tell you, they aren’t too far from the truth.

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